so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
