ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
