Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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