True but thats because hes a fetus.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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