No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
