I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it penis luge time yet?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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