Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
