I'm so fucking centered right now
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
