I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
is that a dick in a sweater?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
