I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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