Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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