Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
