Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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