I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there was a trapeze. enough said
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
