Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
