Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
