stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
