No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
