Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
