Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
