Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
