I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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