If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize