I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
