TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
