omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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