so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
