Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
