You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
