I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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