i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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