No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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