so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
