What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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