careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
