How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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