i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
