her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
