Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize