drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
