awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
