Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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