We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
