y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
