Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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