She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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