very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize