About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
