I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
