and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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