just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
