I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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