It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
