i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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