i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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