Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
