I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
