It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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