I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
