I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Damn victory sex feels great
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
