I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
