is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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