I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
