Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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