You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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