quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
