Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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