I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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