There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
